Tag Archives: women

Thoughts

The rights (and wrongs) of women

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When speaking to one of my three daughters the other day, I realized that somehow she was under the impression that she couldn’t do something ‘because I’m a girl’. I strive not to do anything that upholds this impression, but the problem is that I believe society is so male-centered that women must take it upon themselves to change.

As a father of three girls, I want to make sure – as much as I can – that they live in a fair world, not one where they are constantly in second place. So here’s my list of things women should stop / start doing:

 

  1. Don’t change your name when you get married – why can’t your husband change his? Marriage is the seal of a contract between two parties to form a union for life, and immediately, the woman has to submit to her husband by taking his name. It sets the tone for future life. Is there any law that says a woman should take her husband’s name? If there is, it should be repealed, if there isn’t such a law, woman shouldn’t do it.
  2. Speaking of marriage, why not have the groom’s mother give him away to his future wife and not have the father give the bride away – is she his possession?
  3. Don’t accept low paid jobs. Just don’t. If you do, you are setting yourself up for a big fall. Don’t let people (usually men) put you down and make you lose your self-esteem to the point that you believe you can only do marginal jobs.
  4. When you’re offered a normal (sic) job, don’t accept the salary they offer – ask for 20% more. In this way, you are ether on an equally footing with your male counterparts or you’re getting a better pay than them (because you probably deserve it).
  5. Don’t agree to having women’s quotas – they simply reinforce the idea that you ‘only got the job because you’re a woman’ and, by definition, men are better.
  6. Do laugh at ‘jokes’ which undermine women – the ‘must be a woman driver’ type jokes. These are men’s way of putting you down subtly.
  7. Always, always have control over your finances. Always
  8. If you are a housewife, treat it as a job like any other. This means that you need to plan, budget and also ensure you have time off. It also means that you can’t expect your husband / partner to know what you do (in the same way you don’t know what he does).
  9. If you want a job, go for it. Your husband / partner can also stay home as a househusband. The he can enjoy ‘not working all day’
  10. Drive, at least half the times you are with your partner / husband.
  11. If your husband / partner is so keen on showing off his skill with the BBQ, you should also make sure he does the same with the induction cooker.
  12. If you want to be treated equally, don’t expect men to open doors for you.
  13. If your husband / partner expects you to get all done up for an event, you should also expect him to do the same
  14. Have an opinion, even on the most mundane things – don’t depend on others to give you your opinion
  15. Don’t take a mini course for self-defence – take regular normal martial arts / boxing / kick boxing lessons or similar. In this way, you don’t need a man to stick up for you. And if you think it’s not ‘normal’ for a woman to do so, remember that this notion was introduced by men (probably).
  16. If your husband / partner hits you, leave or throw him out. He will not change. It’s irrelevant whether or not he had a bad day – it is unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Report the incident to the police, too. If you do nothing, he will get away with it and yes, he will hit you again.
  17. Don’t aim to reach a goal so that ‘you’re the first woman to do it’, but aim for a goal because you know you can do it and are good at what you do
  18. Don’t accept lists of this you should or shouldn’t do that were made up by a man (except this one, of course)
Thoughts

Random cleaning

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I’ve just invented a new way of cleaning, one which women will NEVER understand.

Basically, it’s whatever you want to do, household-cores related. The secret if to not finish anything – just do a lot of everything and see how your wife / partner looks on in total bafflement.

The thing is this – women ‘give’ us little jobs to do, well-knowing that we hate them and will get utterly bored within 10 seconds. Like, for example, folding clothes. They (women, that is) know we will do it quickly (read: badly) to get it over and done with.

And then, without prior warning, when we think we are safe watching TV or doing whatever, they will barge into the room and look at our handiwork, standing in a dictator-style stance, shaking their heads and pointing an accusing hand.

They will look down at us, berate us for not doing things ‘properly’ (very subjective what properly means, hence the quote marks) and proceed to un-fold and re-fold the clothes.

“Look at what he’s done,” they say in a patronising tone tantamount to that of Victor Meldrew (One Foot in the Grave). We are not mentioned by name, as though doing so may incur the wrath of the gods. “Creases, creases everywhere, and look at the blah blah blah blah blah. How is this possible?” (Editor’s note: I could not complete the quote as generally my mind switches off after two seconds in these cases).

And we sit there, impassive, looking on nervously as we are metaphorically beaten to the ground. It feel’s like the headmaster’s office bench all over again. The ends of our lips feel weighted down. Our ears would flop if we were rabbits.

The same applies for washing the floor (“No, not like that honey, your moves must flow better), cooking (“Do you really want to cut the onions so big?”), washing the dishes (No, don’t do it that way…”), mowing the lawn (“The lines aren’t straight, dear”), doing the beds (“Do tuck in the sheets properly, dear”) and everything else.

So instead, I’m reverting to random cleaning. Do a bit in the bedroom, and then strategically move to the bathroom. After some time, change a light bulb in the corridor before doing a spot of gardening and pruning. Follow this by paying some bills, checking Facebook (this is a decoy) and vacuuming the living room.

You need to be buys (or at least look busy) at all time or face being given a ‘job’.

When questioned as to what you are doing (and it will happen), you must admit to nothing. “Meeee? No honey, I’m just doing a bit of this and that, you know…”.

You see, women will not be able to understand it in the same way they do not understand football (and the offside rule!), tools, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, why men remember odd sports statistics but forget birthdays and anniversaries, and why we leave the toilet seat up.

Most things, admittedly, don’t add up, but that’s why we like it. And with random cleaning, we are still doing our part around the house (she’ll find it easier to clean stuff as it’s already been half done).

Now, I’m off to do half the dishes and wash clothes that have some form of stripes (forget colours, whites or darks – it’s stripes from now on!). Now that’ll freak her out! That, or the fact that we do actually know how to use a washing machine.

Thoughts

Women’s Day 2011 – don’t accept abuse!

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 I raised my hand to hit her in a blind rage, but then managed to see through my anger and notice that she was scared. My hand came slowly down as my heart sank to unimaginable, shameful depths. I begged for forgiveness, even though I didn’t actually strike her. Raising my hand was already a bad enough offence.

 I was in my early 20s then. She was a girlfriend at the time and we were having an argument over something or another. I was terribly angry and didn’t realise what I was doing. Luckily, I stopped myself on time. I say luckily from a purely selfish point of view – I would have felt horrible had hit her. I still feel bad now, 20 years later, for having raised my hand let alone hit her. That lesson was enough for me to understand that physical abuse on women is unacceptable.

Sadly, many men don’t see through the rage. Sometimes they don’t even need rage, just a passive human punching bag to vent their frustration on. Many women feel trapped in a Catch 22 situation – they don’t want the abuse but cant, for whatever reason, live without their abuser. They feel that they are better of living with the weekly or daily beatings. Others believe their religion says this abuse is acceptable.

 Well, it’s not! Even once is once too many.

 What women need to understand is that if a guy beats you up once and gets away with it, he will feel he can do it again, and again and again. And it gets easier for these cowards each time. That is why they should take action the first time it happens.

Physical abuse, be it beatings, rape or torture, may be the most visible, but abuse also extends to the psychological. This type of abuse is equally bad if not worse. How can you live a normal life if you are ignored, made an outcast in your own home, made to beg for money, kept as a slave under your own roof, shunned?

And, just in case you are in denial, these abuses happen in First World as in Third World countries. It happens in Switzerland or Malta as it does in Afghanistan or Somalia. Closing a blind eye to abuse is the same as participating in it.

Don’t accept it! No man is that important.

8 March, International Women’s Day

Abuse against Women
Signs of Abuse
Why abused women stay